About two months ago, Misery asked me to help him fill up the Q sheet for House of Pain.  At the time, I was going through a difficult period at work and at home, so I told him that I just couldn’t commit to it at that time.  As a result, when he reached out to the pax last week with a plea for a Q on July 4, I couldn’t refuse again.  After all, it seemed like a low-risk proposition as I didn’t think anybody besides him and I would show up due to the holiday.  It turns out that I was wrong about that and a number of other things on this day.  Following is a summary of what I learned:

• Contrary to conventional wisdom and common sense, 16 pax will show up in the quasi-gloom for a holiday workout.
• The site Q had better things to do on July 4
• It had apparently been too long since I last Q’d a workout, as I garbled the count more than once during the warm-up.  (Note to self, review counting video prior to next scheduled Q.)
• Despite their generally athletic appearance, most of the pax have never played basketball (or at least they shoot free-throws as if they’ve never played basketball)
• Assissi will feel cheated if you try to end the workout at 6:13:30 without doing Mary.

In preparation for this Q, I visited the AO on Tuesday to find some inspiration for a July 4 themed workout.  In scouting the site, I found a basketball goal behind the church that I had never noticed before.  The rim is a bit sad, but, because I wanted to introduce something new, a basketball game seemed like just the ticket.  After all, what symbolizes our nations’s birthday more than the NBA free agency signing period (for reference, Google Lebron James, or Golden State Warriors 2019 NBA Championship for reference).

Here’s what happened…

The Warm Up

Side Shuffle Hop X 25

Arm Circles Forward and Reverse X 10 each

Good Mornings X 10

Mountain Climbers X 25

Slow Merkins X 10

Mosey lap around the parking lot to the steel pile

The Thang

Each pax picked up some steel, and we gathered at the base of the hill behind the church where we partnered up for Dora with the following exercises (100 reps of each), running around the median at the top of the hill and back

Shoulder Presses

Curls

Tricep Extensions

Bent Over Rows

Squats

As each group finished, the partners alternated running and bear crawling on the same course until everyone had at least one turn bear crawling.

After that we lifted the steel over our heads and lunge-walked them back to the steel pile.

This is where it got ugly.  After a short mosey back to the bottom of the hill, we formed a semicircle around the basketball goal where the Q had strategically hidden a basketball in the bushes.  The plan to was to play a simple game where each pax would call out an exercise before shooting a free throw.  If he was successful with the shot, the group would be rewarded by executing that exercise, but if he was unsuccessful, the group would each do 5 burpees OYO.  The game was designed  to allow us to wrap up the workout with a variety of exercises, including Mary, with a sprinkling of burpees in between.

It pains me to report that the pax shot 18% from the line that morning.  For reference, Shaquille O’Neal is generally thought of to be one of the worst free throw shooters among starting players in the modern area, and he averaged 52.7% during his career.  I can only hope that if Misery and Elf had shown up, our average would have been higher.

That percentage resulted in a total of 70 OYO burpees, 10 LBC’s, and 10 Willie Mays Hayes reps.  (For clarity, 5 of the burpees were actually bropees, which are slowly catching on in popularity).

Nevertheless, after we had gone through the whole lineup, it was almost 6:14, so the Q decided to call it a day.  After a complaint from Assissi about missing out on Mary, he was permitted to lead the group in 50 cadence count flutter kicks.

From the words of the great Mark Twain “let us draw the curtain of charity over the rest of the scene.”

COT/Coffeteria

There were no announcements of significance, other than Turncoat’s recommendation to Google “Back Up Terry” in celebration of July 4 (and also as a good example of what not to do with fireworks).  For ease of reference, QHC has done this work for you below.

Knope, Kia, and Snots joined me for my morning bagel and iced tea at Brueggers.

The Future

In conclusion, it appears that Misery will get two Q’s from me for the price of one.  I can’t let the pax go out like this, so I’m going to sign up on the Q sheet again soon for a REDEMPTION-themed workout where the Q is going to count correctly during the warm-up and the pax are going to shoot free throws better than Shaq Fu.  I look forward to SYITG.