Time Flows In Only One Direction

August 28, 2020

WHEN: 08/27/2020
QIC: Wreck It Ralph
PAX: Pallino, Castaway, Cardiac, Frizzle, Sprocket, Pong, Lone Ranger, Knope, Wreck-It-Ralph
When did the story of today begin? Perhaps it began back in July, when Floyd took us to Burpee Island and the Gloom Dial. Or did it begin the day before, when a frantic One Direction asked YHC to step in for him, to free him up to support a VQ at another site? Having less than 24 hours in an already packed day was a challenge, but once YHC noticed that “One Direction” had 12 letters in his name, the connection to the Gloom Dial was made, and the thing practically wrote itself.
Nine PAX gathered in the gloom for a “tribute” to our normally faithful companion “One Direction” on this fine morning. Sprocket, new to F3 and even newer to South Durham, joined us. We began innocently enough:
Warm Up:
SSH x12
Willie Mayes Hayes x12
Little Baby Arm Circles x12
Asian Grannies x12
Then it was time to mosey on to the field for the tribute.
The Thang:
Instead of Burpee Island, we met in the center at Nippletoe Island, home of the judgmental and exacting Proper Form Gods. The PAX had been taught proper burpee and squat form in beatdowns past. The first required thumbs pointing to nipples, elbows back, and touching with your chin first. The second required stretching arms forward, and balancing on your heels so that your toes can wiggle. Hence the name of that fateful island, which would put us all to the test.
The Gloom Dial split the field into twelve vectors, like a clock face. As we sprinted to each hour, we would do that amount of reps, then sprint back to Nippletoe Island for the hourly sacrifice. Each hour spelled out a letter in memory of our fine comrade:
1. O – One Legged Burpee IC
2. N – Never Cross Dolly IC
3. E – English Hammer IC
4. D – Derkins SC
5. I – Imperial Storm Kickers IC
6. R – Reverse LBC IC
7. E – English Hammer IC
8. C – Crab Cakes IC
9. T – Toes To Heaven IC
10. I – Imperial Storm Kickers IC
11. O – One Legged Burpee IC
12. N – Never Cross Dolly IC
The sacrifice required alternated between twelve burpees or twelve merkins. YHC felt that, to the uninitiated, a proper form merkin feels about 3x the difficulty of a standard one, and a proper form squat 2x. Pallino was inclined to agree.
At ten-o-clock, one of the PAX decided to challenge the status quo, and led us in a cadence rather than a single count offering of squats. The proper form gods were not amused. Out of wrath (or was it increased appetite?) they then exacted twelve burpees AND twelve merkins each time. At eleven, YHC slipped again, and counted one too many merkins. Knope suggested we only offer 11 squats to even it out. The gods were not pleased. They demanded an additional 12 merkins after the full count of 12 squats.
A final full lap in the one proper clockwise direction around the field, a final additional tribute, and our trial was complete. No Mary – Dolly wanted no competition. Don’t cross her.
Moleskin:
Great strong showing today. YHC was winded, and struggled with some of the counts, but the PAX came through. Great to have the 2.0s showing up their old man.