Before I begin – SHOUTOUT to F3 OJ of Louisville, Ky for the inspiration (see original): The structure, and most of the facts, came from his 11/7 BB – a further testament to the importance of publishing what we’re doing every morning. Inspiration for men throughout the nation! NOW – to the BB!

If you’ve never read anything from the father of Gonzo journalism, Hunter S. Thompson, do yourself a favor and take 20 minutes today to read The Kentucky Derby is Decadent and Depraved. A retelling of his experiences of a week in Louisville Kentucky surrounding the Derby. Here’s an excerpt to whet your whistle and prime the pallet.

“By this time Ralph wouldn’t order coffee; he kept asking for more
water. “It’s the only thing they have that’s fit for human
consumption,” he explained. Then, with an hour or so to kill before he
had to catch the plane, we spread his drawings out on the table and
pondered them for a while, wondering if he’d caught the proper spirit
of the thing…but we couldn’t make up our minds. His hands were
shaking so badly that he had trouble holding the paper, and my vision
was so blurred that I could barely see what he’d drawn. “Shit,” I
said. “We both look worse than anything you’ve drawn here.”
He smiled. “You know–I’ve been thinking about that,” he said. “We
came down here to see this teddible scene: people all pissed out of
their minds and vomitting on themselves and all that…and now, you
know what? It’s us…”

Read the full original article HERE in PDF form if you’re interested

While my experiences around Derby week were never quite as depraved as Thompson’s, I cannot express to you all the magic that surrounds Derby week in Louisville, Kentucky. With that in mind – note that it’s been a tough week for YHC. I’ve spent the last 27 years of my life in the heart of Derby country, the last 4 years living just 3 miles from Churchill Downs. The city shuts down. Festivals pop up on every corner. School is cancelled for Oaks day (Friday before the Derby) and half of the city doesn’t go to work for Thurby (a full day of racing Thursday before the Derby). Hot air balloons and dragon boats race throughout the week, and free music can be found every night. It’s the kind of week where you plan out a lot of movies to show the kids 1st block and hope nobody asks why you’re drinking water and eating saltines. It’s the best week of the year to be a Kentuckian…

But this year I’m not a Kentuckian. I’m a Carolina boy now. The move has been smooth, the people here hospitable, and the community I’ve found through F3 cannot be oversold. You men bring so much joy to my life, so it was that I knew the best way to spend a morning that would otherwise be a bit depressing for me was sweating it out in the gloom with a bunch of men whose first names I don’t know… With that in mind. Let’s get to it.

Warmup:

SSH x 30

WMH x 10

Imperial Walkers x 10

Hillbillies x 10

Call to the Post: 7:08 – (The Thang)

PAX opened Derby Day as any Derby should be opened – with the call to the post, and a beautiful, tear jerking rendition of the greatest state song there is (Georgia is the only state in contention, if you disagree we will have fisticuffs) – My Old Kentucky Home. As the bugle rang out and the song played, the PAX were instructed to alternate between BW Squats and Mountain Climbers.

• Let it be noted here that  The PAX (read: just YHC) broke into tears as the music swelled and the beautiful words WEEEEEEP NO MORREEEEE MYYY LADYYYYYYY rang out over the field.

The PAX mosied to the corner of the field to begin our own rendition of the Derby filled with learning, fellowship, and some exercise thrown in as well.

F3 Kentucky Derby – 1.25 mile run around the field, 10 furlongs (1/8 of a mile – horse racing term), stop at each furlong, where one of the PAX was instructed to pick up the card and read the next fact, which would direct an exercise:

1. 20 Horses are eligible for entry into the derby – 20 Merkins (IC)

2. Donerail (1913) was the longest odds to win the derby at 91-1 paying a sweet $184 on a $2 bet – 91 Squats (OYO) until 1st of the PAX finishes and crys out that they’re done (Big Cat by the equivalent of 12 lengths…)

3. 40 Fillies have ran in the Derby and 3 have won (1988 – Winning Colors) – 40 drydocks (IC) + 3 Burpees (oyo)

4. No horse has EVER won from the 17 hole – 17 Burpees

5. The first 21 Derby’s were held at a mile and a half – 21 Crab Jacks (IC)

6. The oldest jockey to win was Willie Shoemaker on Ferdinand in 1986 at 54 years – 54 LBCs (OYO)

7. Of the first 28 Derby’s/15 of them were won by African American Jockeys – 15 Star Jump Squats (IC)

8. 12 horses have won the triple-crown – 12 Burpees (OYO)

9. 6 Females have rode in the Derby/ highest finish 5th (Rosie Napravnik on Mylute 2013) – 6 4x4s;
– BONUS – 15 females have trained horses that have run, with the best finish going to Shelley Riley’s Casual Lies finished 2nd in 1992 – 15 Diamond Merkins (OYO)

10. It takes 10,000 bottles of Old Forester to sell the 120,000 mint juleps sold over Derby Weekend every year. There is a special julep made specifically with roses from the winner’s Garland that sells for 1,000 dollars and has approximately 22 small sips. Hope it’s worth it. 22 lunge jumps

BONUS FURLONG: The PAX had completed 10 semi-furlongs, but still had half a lap to go to get to 1.25 miles. The PAX ran the final lap and finished with a plank and pushup (x3 each time the announcer says Secretariat) finish, listening to the 1973 call of Secretariat’s Derby Win. A narrow win (just 2 lengths), but still the fastest in history, a record unbroken since 1973…

At this point the PAX mosied to the rock-pile and picked up a jockey (read: two-handed rock). Then completed a full 1.25 laps around the field while holding the rock above their heads. As Dave Johnson’s call of ANNNDD DOWNNN THE STRETCHHHH THEY COMEEEEE was yelled by YHC at least 6 times, Floyd turned the corner and sprinted past Dreamcatcher to take the first leg of the Triple Crown by 8 lengths.

Rocks were dropped and the PAX moved on to the Preakness – an easy jog around the field to recover the arms. Floyd broke too early this time, forming a 6 length lead over Dremacatcher, only to be outsprinted by the finisher that is Dreamcatcher. Dreamcatcher by a nose!

With time running low, the PAX overhead carry returned the rocks to their home on rock island and mosied back to the center of the field for Mary.

V-up Roll-Ups x 15

Plank Right/Plank Left x 2

Freddy Mercury x 10

Flutter Kicks x 10

Heels to Heaven x 10

COT: Shirt Orders are up! See Slack for details – the order is on so get em while they’re hot.

Just some Ky racing knowledge/tips for those of you smart enough to read this on Derby today… My superfecta box today would be: Bolt D’Oro (my winner), Good Magic, Audible, and Mendelssohn. I don’t trust Justify (3-1) or Magnum Moon (6-1) as they’re unraced 2 year olds and NONE have won as that since 1882. I REPEAT – 1882. Imma go with history on this one. They’re fast as hell – athletic freaks in the equestrian world, but they’re young and unprepared for this big of a stage.

SLEEPER HORSE: My boy Jack (30-1)

DISCLAIMER: In years of going to the track, only twice have I walked away in the black from a day at the races. Take nothing I say as fool-proof or even advisable. Like everything else I do – It’s mostly just high-falutin BS.

Have a great day folks – drink a Mint Julep for me. Any other day of the year they’re just a waste of good bourbon…