Confession. All Souls’ Day is not something I typically celebrate. It usually receives a cursory acknowledgement that I should attend Mass or at the very least visit a cemetery, but those practices never materialize. When I realized that I was scheduled to Q at Paradise on All Souls’ Day, it was clear that a themed workout was in order. This past year has brought two significant losses to my family- my step-father and my beloved grandmother. My grandmother’s passing has been the most affective and her absence has certainly left a hole. When I told her about what we did in F3, she took particular delight in the fact that we worked outside rain or shine and that we often used cinder blocks. So, with her in mind, the All Souls’ Day workout was created.
15 PAX circled up at the startex. Per the pre-blast, 7 PAX chose to wear weighted vests/rucks to earn alms for the IFC Community Kitchen to honor Spooky’s recent HomeTown Hero award. One of the themes of All Souls’ Day is that through the discipline and actions of the living, the dead may earn indulgences that will bring them out of Purgatory and closer to Heaven. Therefore PAX were encouraged to set their intention for the workout- to perform to the absolute best of their ability in order to honor someone that they have lost from their lives, either through death, through growing apart, or through a falling out that may one day be repaired.
Warm Up included at least the following:
Mountain Climbers
Slow, perfect form, eye contact merkins
Slow squats
Bushwackers
Imperial walkers
Hill Billies
Fast, forward arm circles
PAX were also introduced to their penance for the day- 5 Jillian Michaels (the modified version, groiner into tuck jump) performed OYO. JMs were issued every 5 minutes throughout the workout.
I. Comforting the Departed with “prayer”, “candlelight”, and “soul-cakes”
PAX lined up on the sidewalk facing the grassy hill leading up to the track. Prayer was offered in the form of 5 Absolutions. PAX then sprinted to the bottom of the hill to light candles in the form of 5 Candlesticks. PAX then sprinted to the top of the grassy hill where they offered soul-cakes in the form of 5 Crab Cakes. PAX carefully descended the hill where they offered more prayer in the form of Prayer Squats (prisoner squats with the hands held out front in a prayer hold). PAX sprinted back to the sidewalk and repeated this sequence two more times.
II. Pilgrimage
PAX partnered up and traveled up the parking lot to the first median, flap-jacking between crawl-bear and reverse lunge-walk. The reverse lunge-walker performed 2 squat-thrusters at every 2nd parking line. At the first median, PAX offered alms in the form of 7 partner diamond merkins. PAX then fellowship moseyed to the top of the parking lot, where a well-timed 10-count served as an interlude before another round of JMs. A side-shuffle took the PAX to the Church of Blocks.
III. Church of Blocks
The Church of Blocks strongly advocates for good form, so exercises here were conducted slowly in sets of 10, with reminders from the lead to “Squeeze Your Glutes”. To comfort the souls of the departed, bells were run in the form of Block Swings with an extra deep thrust. 10 Bicep Curls were conducted with slow concentric contraction and rapid eccentric contraction. 10 Plank Pull-Throughs were performed OYO. PAX immediately moved to the next sequence which included 10 Squat Thrusters with the block (IT), tricep extensions to the failure of the Q (which was about 5, sadly), and 10 Homer to Marge Block Chest Press (IT). The third sequence began with 10 Bonnie Blairs with the Block (each leg) performed OYO, 10 Single-Arm Rows (IT) on each arm, and 10 Flutter Crunches with Block Overhead (OYO). PAX held plank until each performed a 10-count. Blocks were put away behind the shed and each PAX held a low-squat until all PAX returned. As our recessional hymn, we performed 10 Smurf Jax in honor of TPS Reports, who introduced me to this quad burner.
IV. After a mosey to the startex, a round of LBCs, Chilly Willys, and Dying Cockroaches (led by Vice) took us to 615. All emitted huge sighs of relief to learn that Jillian Michaels' last call was at 6:10.
Announcements.
Possum Scurry. Chatham Habitat Build day. Culbreth volleyball and football have championship games.
Circle of Trust.
If I could remember what I said, I would hope it would be something like this. Heavenly Father, or whatever Higher Power you chose to pay homage to, we thank you for the strength to come together in this gloom of All Souls’ Day to honor those who have passed from our lives. We ask that you care for their souls and that you help prepare us to better do thy Will in our own lives, to improve the lives of our families and our communities. We ask that you help us reconnect with people from whom we may be distant or estranged and that you bestow upon us the gift of forgiveness. We ask this through your name…AYE!
Coffeeteria saw the official termination of iced coffee season and a very welcome Starsky from Red October. This may be the very first occasion I have seen Red October without hearing the words, “Flutter Kicks. On My Count!”