STATE OF NORTH CAROLINA               IN THE GENERAL COURT OF JUSTICE
COUNTY OF ORANGE                               SUPERIOR COURT DIVISION

IN THE MATTER OF:                                )
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BASTILLE                                                     )                   17 SP 0001
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ORDER

THIS CAUSE, coming on to be heard and being heard before the undersigned Superior Court Judge presiding over the August 4, 2017, Session of Bastille, a regular site for F3 Churham workouts on Fridays at 0545. Upon review of the aforementioned session, including the effort expended by the PAX, and hearing irrelevant #mumblechatter, the Court finds the following facts:

1. At 0545 on August 4, 2017, the following PAX were present in the gloom: She-hee, Prius, Homes, Slug, Kitten, Babyface, Mo Money, Sherman, Dean Wormer, Swingline, Trickle, Treehouse, Rudy, Big Sky, Turnpike, Rebar, DUI, Sir-Mix-A lot, Foghorn Leghorn, Nightshift, Ito.

2. The QIC for the morning was the undersigned.

3. The men counted off first as a group, and then by fours, for use at a later time.

4. The warm up consisted of the following:

a. SSH x 20, cadence count
b. Arm circles x 10, cadence count (repeat, backwards)
c. Willie Mays Hays x 10, cadence count
d. Merkins x 10, cadence count

5. The PAX then moseyed over to the swamp. At the swamp, the PAX divided into four groups, by numbers previously counted, and arrayed around the swamp as follows:
a. Group 1: dips x 20
b. Group 2: WWII x 20
c. Group 3: SSH x 20
d. Group 4: prisoner squats x 20

6. After each task was completed, with appropriate form and all due speed and effort, the group lunge walked to the center, completed 5 burpees, and bear crawled to the next staging area, with instructions to plank until the remaining group members were all at hand.

7. Each group completed the entire cycle twice.

8. The PAX then gathered by the playground for the next round. In this case, each group was instructed to have at least one at each station:

a. Pull ups
b. Carolina Dry Docks
c. Burpees
d. Box cutters

9. The final person was the runner, charged with running the sidewalk circle and returning to the group, which signaled the rotation.

10. Each group completed the cycle twice.

11. As the PAX awaited the final runners, a five-merkin ring of fire occurred.

12. Upon confirming that this was indeed a “forty-five minute session, and not an hour,” the PAX returned to the AO.

13. This occurred at 0630, and thus the PAX was deprived of a stand-alone, concentrated Mary.

14. No announcements were made or recorded. The Court notes the absence of Coco for this portion of Bastille.

15. After Name-o-Rama, the undersigned brought the PAX together to remind us all to be grateful for what we learn about ourselves and each other during our workouts, and challenged us all to be good and do good in our communities.

Based on the foregoing FINDINGS OF FACT, the Court concludes as a matter of law that:

1. The twenty-one strong PAX received an appropriate workout of mind, body and soul in this session of Bastille.

2. That the failure to conduct Mary as a stand-alone session was waived by the inclusion of Mary-like exercises placed periodically throughout the beatdown.

IT IS THEREFORE ORDERED ADJUDGED AND DECREED that the August 4, 2017 beatdown at Bastille was an appropriate beatdown, and led all involved to glory in the gloom.

This the 6th day of August, 2017.

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Ito
Judge Presiding