- The Fire Hydrant (Demonstrated by the lovely Serene Wilken at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAZZz7uP-Ok)
- The Butt Lift Bridge (Formerly known as the “Churham Homer to Marge”, demonstrated by the uncredited but no less lovely model at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eedJTiasudk)
WeedNFeed had announced that anyone attending would look like the fine and fit lady above, and so I knew we would have a strong showing by the number of PAX using the “bikini” emoji to HC (though Cosmo ended up having other plans).
Warmup
We began with a warmup conspicuously lacking in calf-destroying side shuffle hops. We went straight into good mornings, followed by low squats. YHC had lived in China for seven years, and despite the fact that this would never get approval in 2020’s exicon, really wanted to name these “Chinese Grannies” after all the old ladies he’d see effortlessly take this pose on the street just to rest. Castaway remarked that grannies in India do the same thing, and so we settled for the more generic “Asian Grannies” until we’re forced to change it. We then closed it out with LBAC’s and a seal-clap & overhead-clap combo.
Good Morning IC x25
Asian Granny IC x25
LBAC (12 forward, 13 reverse) IC x25
Seal Clap + Overhead Clap IC x25
The Thang
After a gentle (non calf-straining) mosey down to the rock pile to grab a coupon, we returned to the flag for the pyramid (Inspired by Floyd’s pyramid for the matrix, and Boucher’s follow up at Tobacco Road). It was a beat down quite literally – starting from a standing position and ending prone with Floyd plank. We started off with a round of one each:
Curl SC
Bent Over Row SC
Merkin SC
Carolina Drydock SC
Fire Hydrant IC
River Kwai IC
WW2 SC
Heels To Heaven IC
Floyd Plank (with a “one-count”)
18 sets of (1 to 9 reps up the pyramid, and then 9 to 1 reps back down, for a total of 90 reps per exercise)
The “River Kwai” is YHC’s suggestion for a name for the “Butt Lift Bridge”, to correct Churham’s misuse of “Homer to Marge” from the F3 Exicon. We’ll see if it catches on.
YHC lead us in four steps of the pyramid, each adding a rep and a second to the Floyd Plank, before handing the reins off to Castaway. From then on, each PAX took a turn calling out the round, and adding a rep. We had begun to do the River Kwai’s single count, but then decided to change to in cadence. This caused no shortage of confusion and hurt feelings among the PAX, due to YHC’s allegedly biased enforcement of the change. The hurt look in Bellhop’s eyes after a correction, with his cries of “but you let Pallino do it”, will haunt YHC’s dreams to his dying day (along with every act of unfairness committed to each one of his darling 2.0’s).
As we came down the pyramid, Cardiac was kind enough to point out that time was ticking and he had places to go. We then combined the final sets to three 7’s, and a final murderous set of 14 to rip the band-aid off.
Mary & Name-A-Rama
We did a final set of 10 River Kwai’s to take the final rep count to an even 730. Now it was time to name Jellystone’s FNG. Unfortunately, said FNG had the bad judgement to mention that he owned four cats, forever christening him “Kitty Litter”. A warm welcome and many future beatdowns was wished by all.
CoT
YHC then confided in the group that the day was significant to him, in that it marked an anniversary of overcoming some old habits that had been holding him back. He encouraged the group that it has been very rewarding to cut out escapist activities that provide distraction from the stuff of real life, and instead embrace the harder but infinitely manlier road of feeling your own pain and letting it spur you to improve your own life. That’s what F3 is really about – encouraging each other to live on the front lines of our own lives, and becoming men that we admire.