Mother Nature blessed 23 brave souls with some decent weather for the sophomore (and arguably sophomoric) edition of The Gambler.  We even had an FNG in attendance.

The basic concept was five workouts spread over about six miles throughout Briar Chapel.  Complete a workout, and draw a card. Best hand at the end wins.

Chum delivered a quick operation/safety brief, taking special care to remind the men (read: Side Car) to watch their language, and then the Qs each led a warm up exercise.  We then split into five teams and departed for the first workout.

Workout 1 (Q: RG3, AO: Art Park)

RG3 led the PAX on to the Veranda trailhead and we followed the trail about ¾ mile to Catullo crosswalk.  The PAX crossed and gathered at RG3s strategically positioned vehicle where 23 30lb Cinder Blocks awaited.  Each PAX was instructed to take a block and mosey to the Art Park.

• Colt 45s
  • 15 curls bottom to midway
  • 15 curls midway to top
  • 15 full curls
• Lucky Blockees to 11
  • Pax lined up across the field and were instructed to do a single Blockee then run to the other end of the field for 10 squats.
  • This pattern repeated, with burpees increasing and squats decreasing with each trip.
  • Finish once PAX do 10 blockees.
• Colt 45s
  • 15 bottom to midway
  • 15 midway to top
  • 15 full curls

PAX successfully completed workout one and were handed their first Gambler card.  Each PAX carried blocks back to RG3’s vehicle and workout 2 began.

Workout 2 (Q: Marky Mark, AO: Briar Commons)

After loading all the blocks into RG3’s ride, the group took the Bennett Mountain trail, crossed the bridge by the angry beavers, continued along behind Bennett Mountain Trace, emerged on the hardtop along Great Ridge Parkway, and ended at the field at Briar Commons.  Marky Mark stepped forward and led a lower body focused workout:

• Lieutenant Dan: Squat/WL 1/2…6/12
• Johnny Drama x50 (editor’s note: these sucked)
• Lieutenant Dan: Squat/WL 1/2…6/12
• Walk Like an Egyptian
• Box Jump Burpees
• Walk Like an Egyptian
• Frog Jumps
• Squat Jumps/Irkins: 15/15, 10/10, 5/20
• Traveling Burpees

Post Script: If you question MM’s Q authority, he will quickly put you back into place.

Workout 3: (Q: Bright Idea, AO: The Wall)

After MM’s beatdown, Bright Idea led us up to The Wall via Tobacco Farm Road.  And, for anyone who’s curious, if you want to keep a fellowship pace, don’t let Bright Idea lead the run.

We arrived to The Wall and its newly constructed pull-up station, and then partnered up for a Dora.  One man exercises while the other runs down the hill to the stop sign and then Bernie Sanders back to the pull-up station.  Exercises were:

• 100 Jump Lunges
• 50 Ankles-to-Bar
• 25 Burpee Pull-Ups

After the Dora whooping, we moved to the parking lot where B.I. instructed us to run down to the end and back and note your time.  He then recorded our times, and selected one of the times at random. The pax were then challenged to repeat the run, and if half of the pax didn’t beat the time drawn then there would be punishment.  Fortunately, more than half the pax succeeded and were rewarded with the Duplo classic – seated arm circles of death.

Workout 4 (Q: Boyardee, AO: Great Meadows)

Boyardee led the men along the singletrack trail that meanders through the power lines to where it intersects with the paved trail.  Hooked a right, and headed up to the pavilion at Great Meadows park.

Using the picnic tables:

• 10 Dips / 30 Derkins
• 20 Dips / 20 Derkins
• 30 Dips / 10 Derkins
• Russian Step Ups

Moved over to the ping pong tables for three sets of ping pong pull-ups and slow merkins, along with three sets of quizzical stares from the parents and kids hanging out at the adjacent playground.

We then moved the tables out of the pavilion, divided into five teams, and knocked out a bear crawl/crawl bear suicide.

Returned the tables and got some more dips and derkins.  Pretty sure at some point there may have been some grumblings about already getting some arm work with RG3.  Grumblings were ignored, as a mom in a minivan honked at Bright Idea stretching in his jorts. Not sure what it is or where he put it, but he’s still got it.

Workout 5 (Q: Chum, AO: Bike Skills Park)

We departed Great Meadow, following the paved path and then venturing into the woods and crossed the bridge over Pokeberry Creek.  We then followed the trail to the left, crossed under the power lines, and made our way up the hill and halted at the trail map kiosk along BC Parkway.  

Next up was a chance to gamble during The Gambler.  There were five cards, each with a challenge written on it from each of the Qs.  Stated challenges were (i) 50 flutterkicks, (ii) broken wheelbarrow for 30 seconds, (iii) state the hospital names of each of the Qs, along with the hospital name of another pax that RG3 selects, (iv) hold a handstand for five seconds, and (v) push out an audible fart.  

Any man who wished to earn the right to turn in a card and redraw a new one could opt to complete a challenge by drawing one of the five challenge cards.  A few men partook, but only Dueling Banjos enjoyed the challenge to produce an audible toot.

We then continued along the trail that parallels BC Parkway.  The men rolled into the final workout maybe a bit tired but looking strong and devilishly handsome nonetheless.  As we massed at the start point of the BMX Skills Park (which is multiple lanes of obstacles, jumps, berms, drops, and generally radical shit), a group of mountain bikers also gathered at the entrance.  Fortunately, The Rambler arrived, sans sleeves, and the bikers quickly (and wisely) pedaled away.

The concept was to travel back in time and feel like we were ten years old again.  And what better way to feel young again than to get rad. After we paid the entrance fee of 25 Freddie Mercuries, we entered the single black diamond track.  Bear Crawl the wooden bridge obstacles, do a jump squat up all of the jumps, and do a burpee at the bottom of each jump. Method of travel along the track was duck walk (to kinda mimic the motion of riding a bike, and also to kinda ensure that we kinda looked like jack asses.  On a related note – yes, Yanni captured some sweet footage with his GoPro). Once you reach the bottom of the track, run back up the start point.

During his return trip up the hill back to the start point, Green Acres couldn’t resist the urge to grab a log from a pile along the trail and carry it up the hill.  Log porn jokes awaited him at the top.

Now that we had dominated the single black diamond with our awesomeness, it was time to progress to the….drumroll…..Double. Black. Diamond.  But, as we were lining up to start, we spotted those damn mountain bikers returning to our AO. So, for this iteration, we did the same (jump squats up the jumps, burpees at bottom of jumps, bear crawl the wooden bridges), but we changed our method of travel from duck walk to mutha freakin’ run.  And for the record, there were at least eleventeen jumps on the double black diamond.

The bikers still appeared leary of the preposterous amount of pure, unadulterated manliness that was emanating from our band of brothers (or, it possibly could’ve been Dueling Banjo’s challenged audible fart), and kept their distance.  

We then knocked out some Mary which consisted of 25 x Flutterkicks, 25 x Dancing Chilcutts, and 25 x Hello Dollies to conclude the physical portion of The Gambler II.  High fives and pleasantries, drawing of fifth and final card, and we returned to the Shovel Flag at the Start Point.

Awards / CoT

We circled up in the parking lot, Chum cranked up Kenny Rogers, and we then compared cards.  The one and only Duplo emerged victorious with a winning hand of two pairs, and received the bedazzled trophy belt to recognize his bad-assery.  And, in a move of pure selflessness, Bright Idea added to the victor’s spoils by giving his prized cheese fountain. Needless to say, Duplo was stoked.  Everyone then received their participation koozie, we named the FNG (named Frasier, as he is studying to become a psychiatrist), and closed with CoT.

A heartfelt thank you to everyone for coming out and participating in The Gambler II.  And another huge thank you to the Qs for their efforts and leadership. The Gambler is proof that you can do anything with a supportive, great group of friends.  Already looking forward to next year! Aye!

Moleskin

• 2nd F followed at Town Hall Beer & Burger.
• Rebar ordered a custom T-shirt and then didn’t attend.  As penance, RG3 “borrowed” a boatload of blocks from one of Rebar’s jobsites.
• If you want to maintain a fellowship pace, don’t let Bright Idea lead.
• Speaking of Bright Idea, let’s just he is officially Mr. Fashionable.  Well, he and his jorts.
• And speaking of jorts, some things you can’t unsee, such as jorts and crawl bears.
• Numbnuts (just ask Nightshift)