Today is the day after YHC’s 50th birthday, and after a birthday trip with the M to Machu Picchu (who does that??), YHC was ready to celebrate his permanent ascent into geezer status…er, I mean respect. We decided to celebrate the Incas, who really knew how to treat their elders with respect (hint: they worshipped them as gods).

Warm ups:

Side-shuffle hop 25

Willie Mays Hays 10

Imperial Walker 10

Little baby arm circles 10 then reverse

Slow Merkins 10

The Main Event

We had two 50-year-olds in attendance (YHC and The Exchange), so each of us was Inca (the word Inca was actually reserved for the Emperor) over his own army (the Northern and Southern armies at the time of the Incas’ civil war that was just starting when a few hundred Spaniards arrived and changed everything).

Each team gets instructions: we will mosey to the parking deck in two armies, with each army carrying its Inca all the way. The team carrying YHC had an especially difficult burden (the actual Incas were carried on litters everywhere they went, and I should have created litters for this Q, but you know how it goes).

Arrive at parking deck, demonstrate the Bow and Scrape (just like The Harvester, only with exaggerated obeisance)

Each army does 20 Bow and Scrapes in a circle around its Inca while the Inca does air presses

ALL sprint to ramp, carry Inca up ramp and back to stairway door

Do wall sits and balls to wall (talk about Inca walls, which were built with unparalleled stonecutting and fitting expertise, and with no mortar of any kind, and have withstood centuries in an earthquake zone)

ALL sprint to ramp, carry Inca up ramp and back to stairway door

Each team does 20 Bow and Scrapes in a circle around its Inca while the Inca does air presses

Mosey to top floor of deck

Explain the “chaski” system of communication in the Inca empire, which stretched over 2,000 miles in the mid-16th century from Ecuador to southern Chile and counted 10 million souls among its vassal tribes–the chaskis were relay runners who delivered important messages over hundreds of miles with great speed and efficiency.

Now, each army dispatches chaskis to every elevator landing of the tower and every floor of the parking deck. Each chaski waits for his message. Each team must deliver the message from chaski to chaski. Once a chaski delivers his message, he returns to the top floor and joins group exercises (alternating between merkins and squats). First team to arrive back at the top floor with the correct message “wins”.

Message: The Spanish conquistadors, led by Francisco Pizarro, had the principal military advantage of having horses, which helped them defeat the Incas even though the Incas were 1,000 times greater in number.

The catastrophic failure of this chaski exercise only served to highlight the incredible difficulty of maintaining the chaski system in the pre-Verizon days.

Mosey back to parking lot for Maria (LBCs and Freddy Mercurys)

I’ve been attending every F3 workout I can get to since July 2014. I love you guys and I am so grateful that you have made my life so much better by your presence, your encouragement, your friendship, and your inspiration. My 40s were the best decade of my life so far, and I owe a big chunk of gratitude to you men for that. Aye!