YHC greeted the PAX at OCL with a First-Order Stormtrooper mask and was thrilled that 13 PAX tolerated the decidedly nerdy Star Wars-themed beat down that followed. After a rather long warm-up lap (PAX would definitely NOT complete the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs!), we did brief homage to the new movies with Starkiller jumps, followed by Jawa jacks, Imperial Walkers, and Jedi merkins before beginning the main event.
Mesa cause one, two-y little bitty axadentes, huh?
One of the two signature developments of the “new movies” (Episodes I-III, made later) was the introduction of Jar-Jar Binks. Thirty penalty burpees for that, Mr. Lucas.
Killed not by clones, this Padawan. By a lightsaber, he was.
The infinitely more significant plot line from the first movies (other than the turn of Vader to the dark side!) was the destruction of the Jedi. Two PAX wielded light sabers and struck down fleeing PAX, who were confined to the lower parking lot. PAX could rejoin the fray after doing 38 merkins (an oblique reference to cell block 1138). The first cycle ended after 92 seconds, when YHC rode EZPass”s blazing speed to quick elimination of the Jedi threat. Two new Sith took over, also striking down all of the PAX in short order. Five sets of 38 merkins with sprints in-between adds up…
We”re going in. We”re going in full throttle. That ought to keep those fighters off our backs.
The destruction of the Death Star is one of my favorite movie scenes of all time. My entire senior year of high school, I watched the full movie in 20/21-minute increments before school each week. Fridays were special, because they began with the destruction of the Death Star, reconciliation between Luke and Han, and a new birth of freedom. Luke”s courage, conviction that his whole life had been preparing hm for the task (“I used to bullseye wamprats with my T-16 back home…”), and decision to trust the Force at the critical moment are life touchstones for me. In a faint echo of this glory, PAX lined up in two groups, one standing for the Empire and another the Rebellion. The rebels each got a head start of one “up-down” in a series of footraces before switching sides. Winners did 15 SSHs, losers 10 burpees.
Reroute all power to the energy shield. We”ve got to hold them till all transports are away. Prepare for ground assault.
In the dramatic heart of the workout, PAX took turns defending Echo base and trying to get the transports out. One team bear crawled (AT-AT crawled) from c. 125 yards out, across the parking lot and up the hill, while the other sprinted up and down the hill trying to get the transports (tennis balls) out through the tiny hole (bucket) protected by an ion cannon. The rebels tried in vain to slow the oncoming AT-ATs with their harpoon-mounted snow speeders. When a PAX from the defending team touched an AT-AT with the harpoon (cinder block), he had to do 10 merkins before resuming the crawl.
Always with you it cannot be done. Hear you nothing that I say?
Finally, to Dagobah (the playground). All roads lead to Dagobah, where we confront the evil within us and dare to relearn what can and cannot be done. Again in two groups, half the PAX started with balls-to-the wall for one minute (reproducing Luke”s famous handstand scene), while the other did a dead hang. Switch. Then, while one group again did BTTW for thirty seconds, while other did a one-handed hang. Switch. Then the other hand… In a final, Jedi twist, PAX paired up. One PAX closed his eyes, held his hands to his sides, and balanced on his non-dominant leg. The other PAX planked, doing three merkins each time the padawan either touched the ground or hopped. Switch.
We closed out the workout with 42 cadence-count flutter kicks, because YHC”s birthday happens to fall on Star Wars Day, in a very happy coincidence.
Moleskin.

• Ocho and Kitten are jungle cats. To my knowledge, they are the only two who balanced the full minute.
• If I were a Sith Lord running down dozens of Jedi, I”d really want EZPass on my team.
• I could not be more grateful for such a great group of guys. Thanks for making me feel younger at 42 than I did at 32. One can never be sure what challenges or opportunities life will present, but this group is helping me hit whatever it is at full throttle.
• Special prayers for LP.
• I am so happy no one broke an ankle when reproducing the slaughter at the Jedi Temple. It was close.