Happy Oaks day to you all – This is the Friday in Kentucky upon which the city of Louisville shuts down for the celebration of the race day BEFORE the derby- the Ky Oaks (it’s a whole thing – one of the best days of the year).

I picked up the Q for today + tomorrow to honor the week, but got stuck while thinking up plans for how to do a theme at animal house while still honoring the tradition of no frills, no breaks, no fucks given.  So I thought of other races that I enjoyed and settled on my absolute favorite drinking game from college (ok so I still take part any time I get the chance)… Beerio Cart

The basis of the game is: Plug in your N64 (old school is best for this) Drive your character around the track – first person to finish wins – BUT – to win you must a.) finish an entire beer during the race which b.) cannot be drank while moving… So your character must be at a FULL stop before taking a single sip of your beer. . . Essentially – you cannot make forward progress WHILE drinking.

We were without beer this morning, but we did have coupons. So the morning began as such:

• Start with a lap around the track – 1 lap – remember the order you finish in…this matters
• Reverse coupon draft – slowest finish gets to pick their weight first (Uzi sandbagged just so he could pick the worst weight for himself – the man is insane), fastest (Harbaugh) gets last pick.

Once coupons are chosen – pick a lane on the track

• You must travel a full lap around the track in some assigned fashion – alternating movement on the longs and the shorts of the track
• You must also get your chosen coupon around the entire track, BUT – you cannot make any forward progress with your coupon… so you have to alternate between traveling forward and making progress, remembering your stopping point, going back for your coupon, and taking it back to your progress point.
• You decide how far you travel between going back for your coupon – I preferred to take more coupon breaks – going back any time I began to burn out, but others would make it 1/4 of the track at times before going back.

I planned out 4 rounds of this shit falling prey to the same error that gets me every time I sit down for Beerio Cart:

Me: “This won’t be that bad” . . .
Narrator: “But it would, in fact, be that bad”

In the end we completed 2 rounds and it took most of the hour…

• Round 1: Backwards run the Longs, Travelling burpee the shorts
  • Re-drafted our coupons for round 2
• Round 2: Frog/Gorilla Walk the longs (why did I think this was a good idea?), lunge walk the shorts

This is the point, both in Beerio Cart and this workout, when I realize simultaneously a) it’s been almost an hour, b) the corners of my vision are beginning to blur, and c) the last thing I ate is currently planning a violent exit route through my esophagus…

The PAX dropped coupons and crookedly stumbled over to the bars for

• Max Pullups
• Max Bar Dips

PAX grabbed weights and mosied up the hill to startex, Uzi laughed at the rest of us like the wiley veteran that he is, pointing out that as you age you learn to pace yourself, something us young whippersnappers would learn one day. For a moment I darkly flashed back to my days on the Fraternity house floor being told the same message by older members, but the flashback was forced back into the dark recesses of my subconscious and Mary began.

• Box Cutters (x25)
• V up Roll ups (x10)
• Uzi led high/low plank workout (15, 30, 15 hold)

The PAX dispersed and YHC drove Foodlion home, as he, like the rest of us, simply couldn’t be trusted in his current state to stumble home at 6:30 am carrying a 40lb coupon.

Sometimes shit from college should stay in college.