In the damp, misty dawn of Briar Chapel, where the humidity clings like a haunting memory, we assembled at the esteemed Big House. The air was thick with the promise of exertion and camaraderie, for we men, all in the same boat upon a stormy sea, owe each other a terrible and tragic loyalty. It was here that we prepared to confront our morning's crucible with a steadfast spirit.
The Warmup: First, we stirred our limbs with the vigor of mountain climbers, scaling invisible peaks. Arm circles followed, as if tracing halos in the air around us. The side shuffle hops evoked the rhythm of soldiers marching in unity, while the harvester reminded us of the toil of the earth. Finally, the Willy Mays Hayes brought a touch of spirited exuberance, a nod to athleticism and agility.
The Thang: We performed a series of exercises and then took a brief sojourn. Upon returning, we took the plank position, a stance of resolve and fortitude, awaiting those in the position of six.
1. Three absolutions, as if seeking forgiveness for the indulgence of ease.
2. Bear crawling with primal determination, followed by a mosey around the parking lot, a circuit of our shared journey.
3. Repeating the three absolutions, we then performed six hand release merkins, pushing the earth away with a force born of unity.
4. Bear crawling again, then lunging forward, and resuming our mosey, our path well-trodden yet ever challenging.
5. With three absolutions, six hand release merkins, and nine star crunches, we honored the stars above, symbols of our lofty aspirations.
6. The bear crawl resumed, followed by lunge walks, crab walks, and the heroic strides of Super Mario, to execute our communal journey around the lot.
7. Three absolutions, six hand release merkins, nine star crunches, and twelve side lunges, each movement a testament to our collective resolve.
8. Persisting with bear crawls, lunge walks, crab walks, and Super Mario bounds, we circled the lot once more.
9. With three absolutions, six hand release merkins, nine star crunches, twelve side lunges, and fifteen Bobby Hurleys, we pushed through the final gauntlet.
10. A final round of crab walks, Super Mario strides, and a closing mosey, we returned to our steadfast plank.
11. And one more set of absolution that I absolutely f-ed up, but y’all were all over the absolutions with all that practice.
Mary: In the denouement of our endeavor, we engaged in the Little Baby Crunches, a nod to innocence. Reverse crunches echoed the cyclical nature of our efforts, and Aussie snow angels, whimsical and light, brought a touch of distant lands to our own soggy ground. Thus, we concluded our morning ritual, each man bonded by the sweat of his brow and the indomitable spirit of shared struggle, for we are indeed all in the same boat, owing each other an unyielding and profound loyalty.