Merry Christmas, Ya Filthy Animals

December 19, 2017

WHEN: 12/19/2017
QIC: Appomattox
PAX: Shake It, Amphibious, Champ, Bushwood, Troller, Newt, Shovel, Easy Rider, Knoxville, Nightshift, Poser, Assisi, Peach, Misery, Cheese Splint

Among modern holiday cinematic offerings, one film reigns supreme: Home Alone.  A tale of independence, of family, and of resilience and courage in the face of catastrophe, the film embodies much of the spirit of F3–including showing the desperate need we all have for community and support.  Inspired by KEVIN!’s VQ at Bastille last week, YHC contemplated how to translate pratfalls occurring in a suburban Chicago colonial home to the field turf of Cedar Falls Park.  To that end, a selection of coupons awaited the sixteen PAX who assembled in the gloom, looming over them like irons perched atop a laundry chute.  Thus it was that the men of the Vortex prepared to emulate (nay, become) the Wet Bandits.

 

But first:

Warmup:

SSH x 20

Imperial Walkers x 10

WMH x 10

Windmill x 10

Arm Circles x 10

Reverse x 10

Slow Merkins x 10

 

The Thang:

PAX divided perfectly into four groups of four.  With one of each group always running as the timer, they cycled through four Home Alone-themed stations, alternating as each runner finished.

 

Round 1:

  • 1 “cased the joint,” running the timer lap.
  • 2 “tried the doggy door,” repeatedly bear crawling to the 18 yard line and crawl bearing back.
  • 3 “stepped on the matchbox cars,” resulting in ski lunges.
  • 4 “swung the paint cans,” doing kettle bell swings.

PAX planked until all groups had finished.

Round 2: With the McAllister residence remaining un-pillaged, PAX took a second crack.

  • 1 “circled the house,” running the timer lap.
  • 2 “tried the doorknob,” doing apple pickers.
  • 3 “put out the fire” through body weight squats.
  • 4 “avoided the falling iron” by shoulder pressing a kettle bell.

PAX performed the people’s chair until all had completed each station.

Round 3: With Kevin headed for the treehouse, PAX tried once more.

  • 1 “went for the cops” and ran the timer.
  • 2 “fed the tarantula” by performing spider merkins.
  • 3 “experienced crotch shots” and did smurfjacks.
  • 4 once again “avoided the falling iron” with coupon shoulder presses.

PAX did LBCs until all had finished.

With the (fictional) cops on the scene, all PAX performed the perp walk, lungewalking to the 18 yard line and back, performing five Carolina Drydocks, then five drydocks and five merkins, then five drydocks, five merkins, and 10 BWS at each turn.

 

MARY:

Going around the circle dealer’s choice, PAX performed:

  • Boxcutters x 20
  • V-ups x 20
  • Russian Hammer x 20
  • Hello Dolly x 20
  • WWII x 20
  • Slooooow Merkin x 10

 

Et fin.

 

Announcements:

  • Watch the 2ndF channel for bar night announcements.
  • Watch Vortex channel re: next week, which may be canceled.

Moleskin:

  • Prayers for Alfie, who was diagnosed with lymphoma.
  • Prayers for Champ’s friend who suffered a brain aneurysm.