House of Pain Grand Prix

April 4, 2018

WHEN: 04/04/2018
QIC: Elf
PAX: Amphibious, Bushwood, Nelly, Subprime, Crimson, Knope, Zumba, Heartthrob, Two Face, Hamhock, Dialup

With the arrival of spring brings about some of our most cherished national pasttimes that make us look forward to the warmer weather and the long, sunny days. No I’m not referring to the Masters or opening day of baseball. Rather I’m referring to the true southern tradition that brings out your favorite uncle with his beer belly and wife beater yelling terms like “Earnhardt” And “gitter done”! Yes, it’s the start to our timeless “sport” where grown man drive really fast cars in circles and only seem to be able to make left turns. Of course I’m referring to NASCAR! In honor of this wonderful start to the season, I decided to hold the first House of Pain Grand Prix (just don’t tell Knope, he might disagree).

The warm-up

SSH Followed by a warm-up lap around the track to show all of our racers the stations along the way.

The Thang

The racers break into teams of three and proceed to their corner of the track. They will race around the track stopping at stations along the way to power their cars.
The track includes all corners of large parking lot encompassing the whole grounds around the church. No turn left out including small parking lot in back (but all were left turns, go figure).

First lap-
Proceed to station one for overhead presses with steel, 20 count. Steer towards station two for 20 LBC’s. Head to the second corner for 20 air squats. Make it to turn three for 20 Merkins. Head down the straightaway and make a stop at a 20 count BTW. Then head to pit road (small lot) where you bear crawl up the small parking lot, karaoke to the next corner of the parking lot followed by a crawl bear to the bottom of the small parking lot. Then you will backwards run back to the top, first corner. Did I mention that the racers will be switching steel among themselves to carryover head between stations?
Second Lap-
First corner, 20 bent rows. Down the straightaway where you will stop for 20 Hammers. Onto the second corner where you will do 20 alternating lunges. Down to the third corner for 20 drydocks followed by the straightaway with another 20 second BTW. Then back to pit row for bear crawls, karaoke, and crawl bears.
We decided we needed a third lap to make sure we are ready for race season. We repeated the first lap stations. Due to a faulty time keeper (YHC) we had no time for Mary or a long COT. Name-arama then high fives as we headed out.

Enjoyed leading this fine group this morning and special shout out to Subprime (with Nelly) for crossing the Orange/Durham line to get back to the gloom. No engines were blown or tires flattened during the Q (that I know of..). But next time someone needs to bring a cooler of beer and some blue Jean Jorts to make the race official. Earnhardt!!!

Elf